Managing Infertility.
Image credit: Verywell
By: Dr. Abayomi Ajayi
Infertility was tough for Grace and her husband, Richard. But what
they learned about each other through the process made their bond stronger and
they became better parents for it much later when their twins, Charles and
Charlotte were born.
Richard
and Grace tried to have a baby, they were convinced, rather naively, that it
happens automatically. At 30 years old, even though she wasn’t completely ready
to be a mother, Grace really believed it would be that easy.
She
was healthy, exercised regularly, ate a well-balanced diet, and came from a
family of women who got pregnant at the drop of a hat. She had no reason to
think it would be any different for her—but Grace couldn’t have been more wrong.
The
weeks of trying turned into months, and soon they were waiting for nearly two
years for any sign of pregnancy. Both of them lost count of how many times they
were convinced that a new craving or the fact that Grace felt oddly tired or
bloated meant something.
She
bought dozens of packets of ovulation kits, the temperature taking was endless.
The frantic calls to Richard to make sure to be home on certain days for
intercourse at her time of ovulation. It became almost like a job that both of
them – a goal-oriented couple – had to find success in.
Meanwhile,
everyone around them was getting pregnant with such ease (or so it
seemed)—something Grace couldn’t help feeling resentment towards. And everyone
kept asking when they were having a baby, not realizing how painful that
question began to feel.
They
finally decided to go see a fertility specialist they found online. All Grace
wanted was confirmation that she just needed to relax. That she was still young
and it’s just stress making things difficult, which was the advice everyone
kept giving.
The
doctor ran every test under the sun, including a hysteroscopy to check that
everything was okay with her womb. The results showed something Grace didn’t
expect: Nothing; no conclusive reason why she couldn’t get pregnant.
Grace
was prepared for an answer—something concrete that she could point to and that
she could fix. And then the medics put Richard under the microscope and nothing
was “wrong” with him either.
So
they started Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) treatments and timed Clomid
cycles. The hormonal side effects from Clomid took a toll on Grace. She felt so
incredibly depressed for months. She also felt guilty for ever being nervous
about being a mother, when at this point, she felt she might not ever become
one.
All
the blood tests, the poking, the probing, the waiting, always waiting, took a
toll on her. The endless Google searches for miracle methods. They even started
acupuncture thinking it was going to be a slam dunk.
When
nothing worked, they decided to see a different doctor. Somehow, it helped to
blame the first doctor, the protocol, anything other than Grace or Richard.
They
went to the new doctor’s office alone thinking he would suggest a new test or
something different, but when he announced that the next option was IVF, the
couple couldn’t believe it.
Grace
quickly realized infertility doesn’t discriminate. They fell into the category
of “unexplained infertility,” which is the case for up to around 10 per cent of
couples dealing with infertility. That felt even more infuriating, not knowing
why in their early 30s they couldn’t have a child on their own.
They
started discussing the possibility that IVF might not work either, as it isn’t
always successful and their expectations were low but felt that at least they
were doing everything they could.
At
last, the couple began to feel like they had some control when truthfully, they
had none.
Grace
decided to be positive and optimistic, nonetheless. She smiled through the
shots, even though she was bruised and in pain. She didn’t cry even though she
wanted to.
When
the numbers didn’t reflect her hard work and optimism, she lost hope again. On
her transfer day, she had one embryo frozen and one embryo that was soon to be
their twins. In the IVF world, this meant the odds were low. If this transfer
was unsuccessful, then she would have only one other cycle.
But
finally, this time Grace’s odd cravings were indeed a sign of pregnancy. She
managed to emerge a mother after a successful pregnancy and normal births.
She
no longer felt unready and was the happiest that she had ever been before. She
learned to be gentler and not blame herself. Instead of feeling broken, she
felt stronger than ever and was determined to be the best mother she could be.
As
Grace and Richard look back on the journey they went through, they said they
wouldn’t change any of it even though it was the most challenging experience of
their lives.
The
stress and anxiety of not being able to get pregnant took their toll and tested
them in many ways. Grace didn’t recognize herself many times. She lost that
light and bubbly disposition that she always had, but never appreciated until
now.
But
she wouldn’t change the opportunity to get to know Richard through a new light.
Fumbling to deal with it all, there were epic lows, but there were also
enlightening highs.
Richard
and Grace got to see one another demonstrate strength they didn’t even know
they had while learning to accept and even respect their weaknesses in the
process.
They
bonded more than ever before. Grace finally stopped expecting Richard to be a
superhero with the ability to read her mind and started to understand him more.
She respected him for stepping up and really being there. In many ways, she’s
grateful they got the time to rebuild their relationship with an even stronger foundation,
before welcoming their twins.
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Managing infertility
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